Pop Culture

Keymaster

I’m working on the next edition of the Beyond Mrs. Pac-Man project: the worst games of all time.

I don’t know if it’s meaningful yet (have 2000-6 finished), but it has come up with some absolutely hilarious reviews.

Some of the plums:

  • 2005’s Chicago Enforcer – “If you were one of the lucky many who missed out on a little budget-priced PC first-person shooter from last year titled Mob Enforcer, then congratulations, you did yourself a spectacular favor. Now do yourself another favor and skip Chicago Enforcer for the Xbox too. In fact, the only thing you can say in Chicago Enforcer’s defense is that it truly manages to re-create what it must be like to be on the wrong end of a mob shakedown, because by the end of the experience, you’ll pretty much feel like you’ve had your head caved in with a lead pipe.”
  • 2003’s Mucha Lucha! Mascaritas of the Lost Code – “Mucha Lucha! Mascaritas of the Lost Code is a game so utterly devoid of challenge that actually calling it a game almost seems too generous.”
  • 2002’s Tsunami 2265 – “The designers obviously know their anime–apparently at the expense of ever having played a video game.”
  • 2001’s Demonworld – “Demonworld is an awful, awful game. There’s evidence of this right when you first begin play, when you realize that the publisher didn’t even get the title of the game right. The box and CD case call it Demonworld: Dark Armies, the game calls it Demonworld II: Dark Armies, and the introduction cinematic splashes the name in a half-English, half-German hybrid. In reality, it doesn’t matter what you want to call it, because after a short while you won’t even care what the name is. In fact, it seems as if even your computer will try to forget it’s installed, because it’ll try to reinstall the game every time you insert the CD.”

@pokemama, you should add any you come across to this fun list.

Keymaster

BOND RACING!

Moderator

A personal favorite, @pzed:
2006 Pimp My Ride: “Here’s how PMR works. Select a ride to pimp. These are all unlicensed cars and trucks that are pieces of videogame crap. Go to the owner’s house. Induce aforementioned orgasm. All of this is presented in cutscenes where X and the kids communicate telepathically because Activision’s lip animator was on vacation the week this game was made. Proceed to pimp.”

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